Tuesday, May 25, 2004
I never drink... wine.
Van Helsing. He's one of the coolest characters ever imagined. In the movie Bram Stoker's Dracula, the character of Van Helsing was played gloriously by Anthony Hopkins. He gave us such kickass lines as:
"Mr. Morris, your bullets will not harm him. He must be beheaded. I suggest that you use your big Bowie knife."
Here's a few others:
Mina Harker: How did Lucy die? Was she in great pain?
Van Helsing: Yeah, she was in great pain! Then we cut off her head, and drove a stake through her heart, and burned it, and then she found peace.
and...
Van Helsing: Jack. Come here. I know how deeply you loved her. That is why you must trust me and believe...
Jack Seward: Believe? How can I believe?
Van Helsing: I want you to bring me before nightfall a set of postmortem knives.
Jack Seward: An autopsy? On Lucy?
Van Helsing: No, no. Not exactly. I just want to cut off her head and take out her heart.
Now, I'm not gonna lie, the movie itself wasn't too great. It stars Gary Oldman as Dracula and Keanu Reeves as a zombie. Gary Oldman's seen better days (need I mention The Fifth Element). Winona Ryder is also in it, but sadly she was horrible. The only reason to see the movie is for Hopkins as Van Helsing. Now, what if there were a movie solely based on the character Van Helsing, wouldn't that rock? The answer is yes, of course, but not if it's written and directed by Stephen Sommers. He's the same hack that crapped out The Mummy 2 and The Scorpion King. In his latest romp starring Hugh "Kate and Leopold" Jackman as Van Helsing, Sommers proves that he can make a shit-ton of money off of a movie where there's not a single moment someone's not swinging on a rope and if Dracula is going to be onscreen, he better be upside down and walking on the ceiling. After completely raping the character of The Mummy, a classic Universal monster of old noir horror flicks, Sommers felt the need to wipe his ass with no less than three more classic monsters. The movie Van Helsing sees the ruin of The Wolf Man, Dracula, and Frankenstein's Monster, not to mention the misuse of Mr. Hyde (voiced by Robbie Coltrane) and Van Helsing himself. Get this, Stephen Sommers came up with a concept for a Van Helsing TV series during the making of the movie, NBC who was in the process of being bought out by Universal, grabbed it up and wanted 6 episodes. Well, it seems, NBC is now passing on the show. Is this because Van Helsing sucked so badly? Yes, I wouldn't doubt it.
Maybe one day someone'll make a real Van helsing movie, and maybe it'll be done right. When the majority of the cast is computer generated 98% of the time, audiences don't really give a damn about the characters or their death-defying leaps to swing on some random rope. The movie should have only involved vampires and other creatures of Satan, showed Van Helsing's struggle of always having to deal with that kind of evil, and given us one badass one-liner after another (see quotes above).
Van Helsing. He's one of the coolest characters ever imagined. In the movie Bram Stoker's Dracula, the character of Van Helsing was played gloriously by Anthony Hopkins. He gave us such kickass lines as:
"Mr. Morris, your bullets will not harm him. He must be beheaded. I suggest that you use your big Bowie knife."
Here's a few others:
Mina Harker: How did Lucy die? Was she in great pain?
Van Helsing: Yeah, she was in great pain! Then we cut off her head, and drove a stake through her heart, and burned it, and then she found peace.
and...
Van Helsing: Jack. Come here. I know how deeply you loved her. That is why you must trust me and believe...
Jack Seward: Believe? How can I believe?
Van Helsing: I want you to bring me before nightfall a set of postmortem knives.
Jack Seward: An autopsy? On Lucy?
Van Helsing: No, no. Not exactly. I just want to cut off her head and take out her heart.
Now, I'm not gonna lie, the movie itself wasn't too great. It stars Gary Oldman as Dracula and Keanu Reeves as a zombie. Gary Oldman's seen better days (need I mention The Fifth Element). Winona Ryder is also in it, but sadly she was horrible. The only reason to see the movie is for Hopkins as Van Helsing. Now, what if there were a movie solely based on the character Van Helsing, wouldn't that rock? The answer is yes, of course, but not if it's written and directed by Stephen Sommers. He's the same hack that crapped out The Mummy 2 and The Scorpion King. In his latest romp starring Hugh "Kate and Leopold" Jackman as Van Helsing, Sommers proves that he can make a shit-ton of money off of a movie where there's not a single moment someone's not swinging on a rope and if Dracula is going to be onscreen, he better be upside down and walking on the ceiling. After completely raping the character of The Mummy, a classic Universal monster of old noir horror flicks, Sommers felt the need to wipe his ass with no less than three more classic monsters. The movie Van Helsing sees the ruin of The Wolf Man, Dracula, and Frankenstein's Monster, not to mention the misuse of Mr. Hyde (voiced by Robbie Coltrane) and Van Helsing himself. Get this, Stephen Sommers came up with a concept for a Van Helsing TV series during the making of the movie, NBC who was in the process of being bought out by Universal, grabbed it up and wanted 6 episodes. Well, it seems, NBC is now passing on the show. Is this because Van Helsing sucked so badly? Yes, I wouldn't doubt it.
Maybe one day someone'll make a real Van helsing movie, and maybe it'll be done right. When the majority of the cast is computer generated 98% of the time, audiences don't really give a damn about the characters or their death-defying leaps to swing on some random rope. The movie should have only involved vampires and other creatures of Satan, showed Van Helsing's struggle of always having to deal with that kind of evil, and given us one badass one-liner after another (see quotes above).
Saturday, May 08, 2004
Ogre-Whelming Early Demand
I watched American Psycho again recently, everyone should see it, I think it's my favorite movie in my collection. I hope to update this blog a bit more often over the summer. I might have some more freetime. We'll see. I'll be working a lot, hopefully, maybe at Hollywood Video, it'd be good since they have movies there and such. Though, I may end up working at CopyMax again since I'm guaranteed a job there, I hate that place, but I need money. As I've changed my major to media arts, I hope to make at least one or two short films this summer and work on and possibly finish a script for a big movie I have in mind that I'd like to get underway starting immediately next semester. I'll try and keep everyone updated on any movies I do. Any movie or character ideas would be greatly appreciated, as well as ideas for good music for a soundtrack as well as scenes that might go along with a particular song. I also plan on posting a list of movies that people should watch over the summer. Just stuff that I enjoy or that I think folks should watch to expand their knowledge of modern cinema, like Masked and Anonymous. I'll also want to do a post on upcoming movies or projects underway involving some of my favorite directors, actors, and writers. If anyone else gets any good ideas for post ideas, message me or leave something in the comments and I'll take off on it. Um- other than all that, there's a few really promising movies on the Apple Trailers site, look along the left side after clicking the link and look for Mr. 3000, Sleepover, and The Door in the Floor, I can't wait to see them all, they're going to be fantastic.
I watched American Psycho again recently, everyone should see it, I think it's my favorite movie in my collection. I hope to update this blog a bit more often over the summer. I might have some more freetime. We'll see. I'll be working a lot, hopefully, maybe at Hollywood Video, it'd be good since they have movies there and such. Though, I may end up working at CopyMax again since I'm guaranteed a job there, I hate that place, but I need money. As I've changed my major to media arts, I hope to make at least one or two short films this summer and work on and possibly finish a script for a big movie I have in mind that I'd like to get underway starting immediately next semester. I'll try and keep everyone updated on any movies I do. Any movie or character ideas would be greatly appreciated, as well as ideas for good music for a soundtrack as well as scenes that might go along with a particular song. I also plan on posting a list of movies that people should watch over the summer. Just stuff that I enjoy or that I think folks should watch to expand their knowledge of modern cinema, like Masked and Anonymous. I'll also want to do a post on upcoming movies or projects underway involving some of my favorite directors, actors, and writers. If anyone else gets any good ideas for post ideas, message me or leave something in the comments and I'll take off on it. Um- other than all that, there's a few really promising movies on the Apple Trailers site, look along the left side after clicking the link and look for Mr. 3000, Sleepover, and The Door in the Floor, I can't wait to see them all, they're going to be fantastic.
